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Forgiving Myself

As I’ve ushered in the new year with big hopes and big promises to myself, even at this early juncture of 2011 I find that I’m falling short. Take yesterday for example.

It was a day off from work and I had a list to go through and checks to mark next to the completed tasks.  Well, I ended up sleeping late and never did get through the groggy head that followed after I woke up. I began to feel lazy. I did in fact look extensively online for a discounted price for my course that begins next week, but that was pretty much the end of being productive for the day. I glanced as the clock marked half-hours and then hours while they slipped away. I actually noticed more  after each of the movies I watched all day in succession on Netflix.

We had a big snowstorm in my part of the Northeast yesterday and the one time I made it outside of my apartment, was to dig myself out so that the apartment building plow could scrape the snow into mounds and reveal the parking spaces. But that was it for the day in terms of accomplishments – movies and snow removal.

I’ve heard for most of my life, and also to my amazement and astonishment here in the comments section, that I’m too hard on myself. As to that, I’ve always felt that could have, and should be doing more.

As we all know, staying focused and motivated is a job in itself, and it’s a job that I’ve constantly found particularly difficult to stay on top of. It can be a dangerous line that separates a ‘down day to recharge‘ and a day of slothfulness. And it’s a slippery slope and a habit hard to break that would rationalize being just plain lazy as a need to slow down a bit.

But now, maybe, I’m finally learning the lesson. As I woke up this morning full of zeal and passion – albeit due to deadlines of differing needs, I’m not chastising myself for yesterday’s lack of continued momentum. As long as the time off does not lead to a prolonged drought of robust spitfire, it’s alright to ease the self-imposed restrictions on time management that I’ve place myself into.

I forgive myself.

And, forgiving myself is just as rewarding, and helps ease my conscience, as fully as if I had asked, and received, forgiveness from someone else for easing my restrictions on them.

What about you? Do your self-imposed restrictions seem too rigid at times and do you tear yourself up when you feel you haven’t committed to, or fulfilled, those restrictions? Do you take scheduled, or unscheduled, time off?

Do you find it hard to forgive yourself? 

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