Home > Accomplishment, Breathing Above The Foam, Dating, Education, Faith, Job > The Only One Holding Me Back …

The Only One Holding Me Back …

… is me.

I heard that on of all things, a TV show the other night and it will not let go of my mind.

You know, I’ve read most likely dozens of popular self-help books over the years and they all seem to melt into one or two globs of true wisdom:

  1. Get off your ass in one form or another
  2. Make it happen, no one else will

So, guess what? I’ve been formulating and developing a new attitude these last few days.

I’ve had my required grieving period and I’m all out of tears. I’ve spouted to anyone that would listen and I’ve nothing new to add. I’ve talked and imprinted onto myself what a lousy situation I’m in and nothing’s changed. And you know, after hearing from others (and myself) that ‘things happen for a reason’, why can’t I reinvent myself?

Really, why not?

So, dangerously out in uncharted territory, I’m taking wresting back control of my will, swearing at my lost opportunities and shouting out that I can forge into an area that I’ve previously underutilized – my own determination to make things happen.

Focus areas that I’ve found are most important to me:

  • Work – having a job is the lynch stone of my confidence. I’m taking any, and all, temp shifts I can get. I’m going to take the very first job offer I get despite how it may work out for my children’s schedule. While I’m there I will still look for something better and be ready for anything that may come up. I’ve filled out dozens of applications, so I have to believe that one will eventually contact me. But in the meantime, I’ll take whatever I can get.
  • School – I am damned determined to get into class next month. They have the slot put aside for me and I’ll be damned if I let it go for yet another semester. By hook or by crook I’ll be sitting in that chair that’s reserved only for me. It’s only two years until I hit the level where there will be SO many more opportunities that are currently closed off to me. What’s two years when you take it semester by semester? What would I have done anyway? So, schedules be damned, I want a schedule for me this time.
  • Dating – I’m sticking it out with the mindset that I’m in it for the long-term, not until ‘something better’ may come along. Reaquainted girlfriend may, or may not, be the ‘the one’, but I’ll never know with an attitude that’s stuck with me for so long. It may be that we’ll be together for ages, it may be that we’ll last six months. I’ll do something different – I’ll let fate come to me this time. I’m tired of trying to chase fate.
  • Faith – I’ve learned that I actually enjoy going to church and saying a rosary now. How unlike me. But, I believe that it’s my proclivity to having a predisposition to schedule or forced habit. I like the routine – I can depend on it. And it just plain gives me a good feeling in something I believe in.
  • Accomplishment – the one time that I feel good about myself, I have found, is right after I finish something of value. Could be mundane things such as cleaning up around myself or calling someone I haven’t contacted in much too long. Or, a step forward in any of the above areas. Obviously it moves me a step forward in any of the areas, but something about that glow-white feeling after doing something that aids myself is irreplaceable to my inner being.

There, it’s down on the anonymous blog for me to read over and over. A constant reminder, written words taped onto my morning mirror, a silent voice whispering in my brain. My truth about myself.

No illusions of a rose petals set out before my feet though. I know it’s never going to be all warm and fuzzy. There will be setbacks. But, I’m in charge now and the new Marshall says ‘get off your ass’.

I’m accepting, and acknowledging, that I’ll be the one stopping myself from attaining my highest goals.

What about you? Have you had a period of feeling utterly sorry for your situation and just laid back on a heap of self-pity? What did it take for you to get over it?

Any thoughts, comments or suggestions?

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  1. casse01
    12/15/2010 at 6:18 PM

    I think this is great! Definitely a step in the right direction!! whoohooo!!!

    • 12/15/2010 at 8:13 PM

      And the best part is that I feel good about it and that it IS a best foot forward.

      No doubt, it’ll be difficult on days. But, good things are supposed to happen to me and I’ll be damned if I get in the way of what I deserve!

  2. 12/15/2010 at 10:27 PM

    For me, it was the realization that nobody is in charge of my life except for me. I am the only one responsible for my own happiness, success and failures. It’s easy to try and place blame on something or someone, but at the end of the day you have to be accountable to yourself. The most important and scary thing I’ve learned is that, this is my ONE and ONLY life. I’m never going to get another shot at it (as the person I am now – depends on what you believe) so I’m sure not going to wait for things to come to me – I’m going to go to them and make things happen – win or lose.

    • 12/16/2010 at 10:47 AM

      Written with the wisdom of someone who has been there before, and very well stated. Thank you, I’ll look at your words more than a few times as I move ahead.

  3. 12/15/2010 at 10:38 PM

    That is a really good outlook. Small tweaks (and in some cases big ones) really make the difference towards a more positive attitude, even when things suck sometimes, right? I especially like your view on dating.

    • 12/16/2010 at 10:53 AM

      Thanks jobo (nice moniker). You were generous when you said ‘small tweaks’. But a positive attitude needs its own turn and I’d be denying myself what I deserve if I didn’t snap out of it.

      The dating attitude was one of the big focus areas. Again, why resist? I’m just going to let it play out. But, those are the most important areas to me right now.

      You neve know.

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