Home > Breathing Above The Foam, Children, Dating, Job, Struggling > Smile For The Receptionist

Smile For The Receptionist

The hardest part of looking for a job in my field is a cold walk-in.

I shower, dress up in business casual attire (nobody will know that I wore this yesterday) drive to a few select locations and walk in the front door. The receptionist greets me and I quickly tell who I am and what I’m looking for. More often than not she reaches behind herself and retrieves a clipboard with a standard application already neatly clipped to the board and a pen attached via a silver ball chain. I sit in a comfy chair filling out, yet again, where I went to high school and other pertinent information.

I rise, walk back to her and ask if I might meet with someone. I’m much better person to person and was once described by an old boss of ‘giving great interview’. Which is precisely why I left my old career involving cubicles and retrained myself in my mid 40’s – I enjoy personal contact.

 Most times there is no one to meet with. HR is out or the heads of the building are in meetings. I don’t take it personally, but I do kind of deflate as I walk out with a smile on my face after I offer a  sincere ‘enjoy your day’.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I need something soon! Very soon. I’ve thought of posting my bank balance on here, as long as I’m anonymous and all, to show my rapidly eroding finances (as I’ve seen others do) but I’ll think about it a little longer.

Because I had such a late schedule of filling out applications yesterday, I had to call the ex and cancel picking up my children. It broke me dreadfully, but I had no choice but to keep going late into the afternoon. By the time I would have finished, picked them up and brought them back, it would have been time to leave. The guilt was a consuming fire in my mind. But, honestly, and regretfully, I would have had to spend money on filling my tank and buy more food for them. That money will now go toward gas and food this coming weekend when I have them again.

The woman who I’ve recently reestablished a relationship with called me and asked if I wanted to come over and have dinner. I agreed because I didn’t want to repeat what I had done to her before. Not that I really wanted company, but again, I’m realizing (through her observations) that I do have a tendency to self-isolate, so I agreed. I’m glad I did.

Something that I note about myself is that when I’m alone, I tend to not eat. At all. For a day at a time. I’ll sip tea while quietly looking out through the window or I’ll flip through the channels looking at nothing at all and I’ll smoke way too much (picked it up again as I lost my job). But, I’ll not eat. Anything. Funny that I don’t even get hunger rumbles in my belly.

She made chicken, rice and sautéed vegetables and it was delicious! Ice tea washed it all down perfectly. She commented on how thin I was and I became a little self-conscious. We hung out for a few hours and then I left about 9:30PM.  It was a welcome distraction from my normal routine.

I can’t keep regular sleeping hours either. I wake up multiple times each night and after a while I drift back again. In and out, in and out. Sometimes fall asleep around 7:00 PM, sometimes at 5:00 PM, sometimes after midnight. Sometimes wake up for good at 4:30 AM, sometimes at 6:00 AM, sometimes at 9:00 AM. Each night (or day) it’s different.

This morning I’ll shower, dress up in business casual attire (nobody will know that I wore this yesterday) drive to a few select locations and walk in the front door.

I’ll smile for the receptionist. I hope there’s someone to meet with.

 P.S. I’ve noticed that a lot of other blogs are able to respond to a comment within a blocked box. For instance, when I post a comment, that person will respond in the comments section and it will appear as a thinner width-sixed box under my original comment. When I respond to a comment on this blog, I get it showing as a line by line by line comment section. Can anyone point out how you do that – get a threaded, thinner width-sized box under the original comment? I’ve looked through the options, but don’t see anything that addresses this. It would make a threaded comment much neater. Thanks for any help.

Oh, I get it. I have to click the ‘Reply’ shown within the initial comment itself! That is, instead of going to the bottom of the post and entering in a brand new comment. Oh, OK.

  1. casse01
    12/02/2010 at 5:06 PM

    looking for a job definitely sucks – just keep at it. When I first graduated from college in Dec 2002 when I went back as an adult student, I was on my way to Florida Mar 2003 to visit my mom and look for jobs there as I wasn’t having any luck at home. On the way down, I got the call from the job I wanted so hang in there!

  2. casse01
    12/02/2010 at 5:09 PM

    also not sure where you live but have you checked into social agencies for assistance? when i went back to college, I got food stamps, child care assistance and some help with utility bills (you usually have to have a disco notice to take) on occassion. I mean I don’t know about you but I’ve worked since I was 16 and I felt like I had paid for what I got! and I used it for 2 years (while I was working p/t too) and then got my job and haven’t used it since – which is how it is supposed to work!!!

    • 12/02/2010 at 10:38 PM

      It’s so nice to get advice. Sometimes, being alone, I just can’t fathom the alternate possibilities, so to have those presented is a gift in itself.

      Thank you casse01!

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