Home > Faith, Job, Reaching Out > Found Again Faith

Found Again Faith

Today is the day I finally get my chance to hear what someone has accused me of at my place of work.

The wait – seven full days without contact, has been agonizing. Per policy, they need to investigate anything and then get back to me. I have a slight indication of an issue, but no details whatsoever. It’s been a week of contortions in ny belly, torture in my mind and physically weakening. To sit, for a full week without knowing what is to come has been, I say again, agonizing.

Though I have to admit to being tenuous at best when it has always come to my faith, without anywhere else to go, anyone to talk to, I had fallen, heavily, to God again. I have wrestled with many, many demons and in spite, sometimes in anger, sometimes in anguish and sometimes just plain looking for a sign, I have spat on my faith.

How guilty does one feel when coming back to someone after openly castigating them? How would one expect to be taken upon coming back – rather opportunistically, when in desperate need?

I don’t remember how, or why, but in my Bible, I have a bookmark, and that bookmark was stuck in on the page for Psalm 31. So I read, admittedly, akwardly at first, tenuously and desperately reaching out to anything that would offer me comfort. And I did find comfort in verse 22:

Psalm 31:22 For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.

Help me with this, but what I take it to mean is that even though I swore at Him, cried through Him and ignored Him, blamed him … for some grand reason that I can’t fathom, He still hears me. I don’t know why anyone would want to do that – especially for me, but it speaks of a forgiveness and tenacity of which I am unable to comprehend.

And – I’ll stay with that. He hasn’t forgotten me, but instead continues to welcome me!

I have much to learn.

11:00 AM is my time. Pray for me please!

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